我們的生活之中時常會遇見一些性格上有障礙的人，這些人都歸類為“有毒的人際關係”

 

 

我們的生活之中時常會遇見一些性格上有障礙的人，這些人都歸類為“有毒的人際關係”，他們會對我們惡意的攻擊認為讓我們難受是天經地義的事情，當你發現身邊擁有這樣人格特質的人的時候，斷然拒絕這樣的人際關係，擁有性格障礙的人在你身邊為你帶來的只有更多的混亂。

 

 

“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance – you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”
— Daniell Koepke

“你不必為將有毒的人從你的生活之中去除感到內疚。無論他是你的親戚，浪漫的戀人，工作上的夥伴，兒時的朋友，還是新接觸到人都沒關係 – 你不必為他們騰出空間給那些會讓你感到痛苦或讓你覺得自己更渺小的人。如果一個人開始對自己的行為負責並努力改變，那就是一回事。但如果一個人無視你的感受，忽視你的底限，並繼續以有害的方式對待你，他們需要離開。“
– Daniell Koepke

Character Disorders and Malice
性格障礙的人與他們的惡意行為

All of us have done harm to others, and most of the time such harm is done inadvertently or unintentionally. But there are some among us who do harm maliciously. Just what is malice anyway? The word has its roots in the Latin, Old French and Spanish word for “evil” or “bad.” And from a legal perspective, malice is defined by the conscious intent to do harm. For some, such malevolent intention is the very definition of evil. But what, you might wonder, would make a person deliberately want to hurt someone else?

我們所有人都傷害過了他人，而且大多數時候這種傷害是無心或無意造成的。 但是我們中間有些人會惡意傷害他們。 究竟什麼是惡意呢？ 這個詞的根源在於拉丁語，古法語和西班牙語中的“邪惡”或“壞”。從法律角度來看，惡意的定義是有意識地做出傷害。 對某些人來說，這種惡意的意圖就是邪惡的定義。 但是，你可能想知道，怎樣的人會有刻意想要傷害別人的思想？

Traditional psychology paradigms suggest that people behave maliciously as a defense against perceived hostility or anticipated injury. In other words, as anxious, insecure people, to some of us the best defense appears a strong offense. Traditional paradigms also suggest that people lash out only when they’re angry and that anger is always a response to feeling wronged. But time and ample research has not been kind to these antiquated notions. We now know that people hurt others for reasons other than merely defending themselves against perceived threats or the anxiety associated with anticipated injury. And the abundant research on predatory or instrumental aggression indicates that people who intentionally harm others can be motivated by many factors other than anger.

傳統的心理學範例表明，人們惡意行為可以抵禦感知到的敵意或預期的傷害。 換句話說，作為焦慮，不安全的人，對我們一些人來說，最好的防守就是做一種強烈的進攻。 傳統範例也表明人們只有在生氣時才會抨擊，而憤怒總是對感情受冤的反應。 但是時間和充足的研究對這些過時的觀念並不同意。 我們現在知道，除了僅僅為了防禦感知到的威脅或與預期傷害相關的焦慮之外，人們還會傷害他人。 對掠奪性或工具性侵略的大量研究表明，故意傷害他人的人可能受到除憤怒之外的許多因素的刺激。

Now none of us is immune to causing harm. Sometimes we can inflict pain on others out of sheer ignorance or even carelessness. But this is not the same as intentionally doing something to injure someone. And disturbed and disordered characters are unfortunately among those who hurt people intentionally and for a variety of nefarious reasons. While it’s almost unfathomable to most folks (especially the “neurotics” among us), some of major reasons disturbed and disordered characters engage in malicious behavior include:

我們都沒有人會免於造成傷害。 有時我們會因純粹的無知甚至粗心而給別人帶來痛苦。 但這與故意傷害某人有所不同。 不幸的是，那些會故意以各種邪惡的原因去傷害人們的人中有不安和混亂的性格特質。 雖然它對大多數人來說幾乎是不可思議的（尤其是我們中間的“ 神經特質的人”），但是一些主要原因是擾亂和混亂的角色參與惡意行為，這些包括：

To punish.
Disturbed and disordered characters don’t like it when you don’t see things their way, do the things they want you to do, or give them what they want from you. And they’re more than willing to make your life miserable as a way of coercing you to comply. They’re particularly vindictive fighters whose cardinal rule of engagement is simple: Give me what I want and you won’t get hurt. Defy me, and there’ll be some sort of hell to pay.

為了懲罰。
不安和混亂的人不喜歡當你不用他們的方式看待事情，做他們想要你做的事情，或者給他們他們想要的東西時，。 而且他們更願意讓你的生活變得悲慘，以此來強迫你遵守。 他們是特別報復的殲擊機，他們的主要參與規則很簡單：給我我想要的東西，你不會受傷。 藐視我，我就要你付出某種代價。

To feel powerful.
Some characters just want to feel one-up and on top of you. And they’ll do whatever it takes to make you knuckle-under or remain in a one-down position. They hurt you because they can, and knowing they can makes them feel big and strong. Disturbed characters often build themselves up at the expense of others.

要感覺強大。
有些人只想感覺他在你之上。 而且他們會盡一切努力使你屈膝，讓你保持在一個向下的位置。 他們傷害你，因為他們覺得可以，並且他們知道這可以讓他們感到強壯。 不安的人經常以犧牲他人為代價來建立自己。

To take advantage.
For disturbed and disordered characters, it’s always about position. And when they seek personal gain, it’s generally at someone else’s expense. Succeeding at the task of interpersonal exploitation also helps confirm for them their already problematic (inflated) sense of self-worth and perpetuates their attitudes of superiority and entitlement.

要利用你。
對於不安和混亂的人格，他們在乎的始終是關於地位。 當他們尋求個人利益時，通常會由別人付出代價。 成功完成人際剝削的任務也有助於確認他們已經存在問題（誇大）的自我價值感，並使他們對優越感和權利的態度永久化。

For the thrill of it.
For the some of the most seriously disturbed characters, doing harm to others is a source of great amusement. It’s a most sordid type of fun. It actually gives them joy to relish in the suffering and misfortune of other. And there are some disordered characters such as Sadistic Personality on the who are particularly prone to this.

為了追求快感。
對於一些最嚴重不安的人格來說，傷害他人是一種極大的娛樂。 這是一種最骯髒的樂趣。 它實際上讓他們喜歡在別人的痛苦和不幸中享受。 並且有一些混亂的人格像虐待人格特別容易發生這種情況。

They lack the attributes of character that might motivate them to do otherwise.

Some folks don’t have the kind of conscience or inner controls that might keep them from doing things that might hurt others. So when something happens that they don’t like and they feel like lashing out, they simply do so because there’s nothing in their makeup that makes them give pause or hold back. Some even have such deficits in empathy that simply doesn’t bother them enough to think twice when it comes to harming someone else. They’ll do what others generally wouldn’t dare simply because they don’t care.

他們缺乏激勵他們去使用其他方式的品格屬性。
有些人沒有良心與受到內在控制使他們無法停止做出傷害他人的事情。 因此，當他們遇見不喜歡的事情和他們感覺像是抨擊時，他們只能這樣做，因為他們的面具中沒有任何東西讓他們暫停或阻止。 有些人甚至在同情心方面存在這樣的缺陷，在傷害別人時，根本不會打擾他們三思而後行。 他們會做別人一般不敢干的事，因為他們不在乎。

Unfortunately, many folks have remained in highly toxic, abusive relationships because they misjudged the motivations their relationship partner had for doing the harm they did (and, therefore, also misjudged the character of the person inflicting the abuse).

不幸的是，這些處於高毒性，習慣濫用關係的人，因為他們錯誤判斷了他們的夥伴對他們所做的傷害（因此，也誤判了虐待人的人格特性）。

 

 

 

翻譯 by Aarti Borǰigin